Posts Tagged ‘journaling’

The Title and the Girl

March 14, 2009

Figuring out this whole blogging thing.  The original name was 

The Boy and the Girl, or, You and Me, As I Know It

I could change the word “know” for “see”  would that make more sense?

then I realized, I don’t want all my posts to be about boys, so, I created it to “blank” and the girl.

should it be 

The {Blank} and the Girl

(Or, “You and Me, As I Know It)

to more clearly specify that the “blank” will be filled in?

or should the “you” be taken out and specified as “the blank” again, or merely “blank”

The {Blank} and the Girl

(Or, “The {Blank} and Me, As I See It”)

 

As I was falling asleep last night, I was composing a letter in my mind. I write letters in my mind as a precautionary preparation for my death.  That way if I suddenly have a few hours to love, I can pull it from memory and tell the people I never told how I feel, well… how I feel.   People say I’m morbid for this, but after a consultation with a friend, we decided “practical” is a more accurate description for my mind wanderings.

The letter was in story form, trying to simplify everything for the reader.  

The boy and the girl

Once upon a time, there was a boy, and a girl; For simplifications sake, lets call them  Henceforth known as {their name} and {my name}.  Or, “You”, and “Me”

They met under rather ordinary circumstances, considering most children meet people their age at the place that the two did: school.  I can’t remember our first meeting, but I see pictures of us both in our preschool class pictures, and even in our pre-preschool pictures.  Though I cannot recall exactly our first encounter, I can tell you this.  By the time I was four, I was positively, madly in love with you.

 

And thus we come to our problem.  Am I goign to pretend that I am not the girl in the story, despite the fact that I am?  Am I speaking as myself, or an omniscient presence in my life? I realized speaking omnisciently or as a third party would be safer and less personal for the recipient, but…. its me.

Thus was born the name of my blog.  It will be, from what I know so far, from my point of view.  I have memories, down to the exact color, stored in my brain, taking up space.  I want to tell them, to remember them, here in the Interverse.  

 

But if I have multiple stories about one person, shall I use their given privacy name each time i refer to them, or confuse people even more by giving them a new name each chapter of my memory?

I will discuss current events in my life, though attempt to be vague… did you know that employers and people considering becoming your employers will google you and your email address to find your blogs now?  What a terrifying concept.

then again, the number of names I’ve created for each facet of my online personalities is daunting in and of itself.

 

I have two goals:

  • To document my findings and experiences, for the sake of not having to remember EVERYTHING
  • To document my past memories and artifacts of my memory drawer so I have more room to WALK in here…
  • To challenge myself, and you, to a game I play.  “Best/worst/most/least/and everything ending in ‘ly'” This game is a memory challenge as well as a get-to-know-you.  “What was your best date that you didn’t expect or realize WAS a date until you were on it?”  “Favorite memory involving a fruit tree?” and whatnot.  I will write one, and I’d love if you emailed me or commented back your own version of the story.  It makes you search your brain, and get it on (theoretical) paper.  Good practice for you creative writing types
  • To open my “trap door” (I will explain in a moment)
  • Learn to count…jeez….

It is said, by a Rinpoche who was in and out of my life for a while….

Rinpoche or Rimpoche (rinˈpotʃe) is an honorific title used in Tibetan Buddhism. It literally means “precious one”. The title is generally reserved for tulkus (incarnate lamas) and those recognized by the proper authorities within a lineage as “choje lamas” (“superior dharma masters”).

 that journaling is good for the soul.  He said to “imagine being inside an armored tank, and firing a gun.  The bullet would continue to ricochet around inside the tank until it was given a place to rest or escape from”. (alright, alright, lets pretend inertia doesn’t exist now, eh?)

“Now open the hatch.  The bullet has an escape.  The tank is your mind, the bullet…your memories and thoughts.”

 

I think of writing these things down as letting the paper hold my thoughts for me.  Too many thoughts when I try to fall asleep, too many ideas and inventions.  This has saved my sanity a few times.  Also, if you are looking to describe a former part of your life you cant find the current words for, you can grab that notebook for that time and take a peek.  “Wow, I was really agitated when I wrote this… But I was exhausted! I see i kept falling asleep, but I had shakes and motor overflow so viciously that I couldn’t sleep.  I couldn’t pay attention in class because I was SO tired, and I couldn’t sleep because of my shaking… hmm.”  Being able to read that part of my life this year allowed me to see how long I was on a harmful medication, and what my side effects were THEN, that my brain had since blocked out because of exhaustion, or a self defense mechanism.  This is invaluable when it comes to medications.  

I’m not one to preach on about journaling, as anyone who has ever spoken to a therapist has most likely been advised to keep one.  I think of it as my meory holder, and all I know is that typing is a lot easier than writing for me.  

To go overboard, I also keep a handwritten one sometimes.  I can read back online and see how I present myself to the public, and read in my private journal how I was dealing with it all privately.  I have one full binder on a shelf behind me, and in it is every communication transaction that was important to me, in a timeline with my private journals and more public blogs.  Its like a scrapbook of my brain…. very odd.

Input on the title would be appreciated…let me know which titles make more sense, considering what I’m going for.

In insanity,

The Girl/

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